The following is an excerpt from The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe by Jane Wagner; Portrayed by Lilly Tomlin.

 

The character is Trudy, a bag lady…

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I know what you’re thinkin’; you’re thinking I’m crazy.

You think I give a hoot? You people

look at my shopping bags,

call me crazy  ‘cause  I save this junk. What should we call the

ones who

buy it?

 

It’s my belief we all, at one time or another,

secretly ask ourselves the questions,

“Am I crazy?”

In my case, the answer came back: A resounding

YES!

 

You’re thinking’: How does a person know if they’re crazy

or not? Well, sometimes you don’t know. Sometimes you

can go through life suspecting you are

but never really knowing for sure. Sometimes you know for sure

‘cause you got so many people tellin’ you you’re crazy

that it’s your word against everyone else’s.

 

Another sign is when you see life so clear sometimes

you black out.

This is your typical visionary variety

who has flashes of insight

but can’t get anyone to listen to ‘em

‘cause their insights make ‘em sound so crazy!

 

In my case, the symptoms are subtle

but unmistakable to the trained eye. For instance,

Here I am,

standing at the corner of “Walk, Don’t Walk,”

waiting for these aliens from outer space to show up.

I call that crazy, don’t you?  If I were sane,

I should be waiting for the light like everybody else.

 

They’re late

as usual.

 

You’d think,

As much as they know about time travel,

They could be on time once in a while.

 

I could kick myself.

I told ‘em I’d meet ‘em on the corner of “Walk, Don’t Walk”

‘round luchtime.

Do they even know what “lunch” means?

I doubt it.

 

And “ ‘round.”  Why did I say “round”?  Why wasn’t I more specific? This is so typical of what I do.

 

Now they’re probably stuck somewhere in time, wondering

What I meant by

“’round lunchtime.” And when they get here, they’ll be dying to know what “lunchtime” means. And when they

find out it means going to Howard Johnson’s for fried

clams, I wonder, will they be just a bit let down?

 

I dread having to explain

tartar sauce.

 

This problem of time just points out

How far apart we really are.

See, our ideas about time travel and space are different

from theirs. When we think of time, we tend to think of

clock radios, coffee breaks, afternoon naps, leisure time,

halftime activities, parole time, doing time, Minute Rice, instant

tea, mid-life crises, that time of the month, cocktail hour.

and if I should suddenly

mention space – aha! I bet most of you thought of your

closets. But when they think of time and space, they really think

of

Time and Space.

 

They asked me once my thought on infinity and I told ’em

with all I had to think about, infinity was not on my list

of things to think about. It could be time on an ego trip,

for all I know. After all, when you’re pressed for time,

infinity may as well

not be there.

they said, to them, infinity is

time - released time.

 

Frankly, infinity doesn’t affect

Me personally one way or the other.